There are plenty of places to display your douche bagginess, but few are as effective and amusing as parking a car. Opportunities abound when you decide to park.
Set your sights on a parking spot, but someone is in prime position to take it? What do you do? You drive as fast as possible. You might not have seen the spot first, but that doesn’t matter if you park in it first. Say you are in the lot and halfway beyond a parking space when you notice the car is about to back out. You could a) pull forward and write off the spot, b) drive around and hope no one takes it, or c) throw your car in reverse and slowly start creeping up on the car following you, hoping the driver backs up as well. Better still is if you notice someone walking to their car. Now you can follow them and wait for them to get in, put on their sunglasses, start their car, adjust their mirrors, clean their teeth, wonder whether they have everything, all the while traffic is backing up. You have now wasted ten minutes of everyone’s time just so you can save 20 feet of walking.
My personal favorite is when you are looking for a spot and find one in front of someone who just pulled in. Quickly pull into the spot in front of them so they can’t pull through. It ruins their day.
Parking lots afford you options while you are leaving as well. For example, you are about to pull out of the spot and notice that behind you on the right and left there are cars waiting. Who do you choose? The one who just pulled up or the douche who has been waiting for you to put on you sunglasses, start your car, adjust your mirrors, clean your teeth, wonder whether you have everything. So you back out and block the patient one. Remember, like magnets, douche bags repel douche bags.
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